Tuesday, November 12, 2013

some thoughts on moving

If you have followed this little ol' blog of mine for a while you may know a few months ago my little ol' family moved from Kentucky to Illinois. Not only were we moving to a new state, we were also making a significant life change with this move: Landon was going back to school (for the fourth time!) to get his PhD in Civil Engineering. This move and life change was something we prayed about for a long time before we actually decided Landon was going to go back to school.

It was easy enough to pray about and the entire time we prayed about this we both would separately feel God reaffirming and leading us in the direction of Landon pursing his PhD. In church, in our quiet time, in prayer, in conversation, in acceptances, and fellowships being provided, God was saying, "Go." So with a heavy heart we told our family and friends, sold and packed up our house, and moved to Illinois.

The moving part wasn't hard. I have moved countless times throughout my life. In fact that was the easy part, I was an expert at packing. Saying good-bye to our friends was difficult, but I knew the world would still go on when we left, I knew to not let myself get wrapped up in the good-byes. I knew that I couldn't let myself be all emotional and such. But as I was driving away from our house, from the city we called home for the past four years of our lives tears choked in my throat and welled up in my eyes. I loved my friends and the life we had in Louisville. I did not want to leave. I did not want to say good-bye to our happy little life.

But I had to. So I drove with Emerson and Boady keeping me company in the car and followed the big moving truck in front of us. We were moving to our new life, our new home.

And I was bitter about it. It wasn't something I admitted to anyone, it wasn't something I was even fully aware of. But I was bitter about this change, even though I knew it was where God was leading Landon and our family, even though I told Landon I supported him 100% with this decision. In my heart I didn't. Sure the new adventure would be fun, but I still resented the fact that we had to make this change.

For whatever reason this move has been one of the hardest moves for me to make. I have been trying to make the most of it. I have been trying to be happy and joyful. I have been trying to trust God with this change. But it has been difficult. It has been a challenge. I miss our friends, church, family, and small group. I feel like here I am all alone. I have no friends, no family, and while we attend a church that's all it is - attending. I spend my days with babies (which I love and is such a blessing!) but I miss the grown up interaction I used to have.

Anyhow, I have been making my way through a Bible study at our church and it talks about finding the gods or idols in our lives. I have struggled with really figuring out what the 'god' in my life is, and I'm still not completely sure. To be honest, I haven't been super crazy about this study. But this last week of the study has been refreshing and God is teaching me things and revealing his promises to me just as I need to hear them.

Just yesterday I was journaling and realized that I felt like this time is my time in the wilderness, like how the Israelites wandered in the wilderness for 40 years. This move is my wilderness. I look back on our old life in Louisville and miss it. I look at our life now and resent certain aspects of it. I look towards the future and hope it's better, hope it's the "promised land".

Then this morning I read a verse that I feel like was just for me, it was as though I heard God say:

What a wonderful promise.

This verse is so very fitting for the season of life I am in right now. It's amazing how God knows exactly what we need and He gives it to use exactly when we need it - in His perfect timing. Not ours. His. So even though I may feel like I am in the wilderness right now, I have this promise from God and it gives me hope for today and joy for tomorrow. What a great God.


Christine {Our Traveling Nest} said...

Hey! I can completely relate. My husband and I moved to Kansas "the wilderness" a year ago for his PhD program from the comfort of living in Alabama, near family and a region I love and familiar with. Our Kansas wilderness has brought a mix of joy and sadness but I have definitely seen God at work in our lives. I try and focus on the day at hand not the years that we are "away". Thanks for sharing such a great verse.

Lauren said...

great post! I have honestly never moved more than 30 minutes from my childhood home; so moving at all--even across town makes me become incredibly anxious!

However, God's timing is perfect and his ways are perfect--even when we don't understand them!

Thanks for sharing such a wonderful verse, it's great to remember that He certainly is doing a New work in us every day!

Kelsea said...

Wow, how encouraging that God's been speaking to you. We're kind of in limbo now...my husband is an engineer, too, and we've been in the middle of a big company restructure that will move us, eventually, to another town four hours away. Not knowing when or where we'll live is rough, and I'm trying to focus on the fact that He's in control and not hold on so tightly to my comforts here. This was beautifully written and I hope that He brings you through the wilderness soon and that your time there is a learning and growing process.