Wednesday, April 15, 2015

finding peace and contentment

found here, original source unknown

Finding contentment and peace with where I am in life right now is not easy. Though, I'm not sure it's ever easy. Not that it should be easy I suppose; you learn and grow from the challenging places in life. Right now, we are in a place of transition, but that doesn't mean that our life has stopped or stayed the same. No, it just keeps going. As it should.

During this time of transition, I am constantly seeking God for peace and reassurance. I know that God provides and that He has a great and wonderful plan, so great we can't even imagine what it is. I know that He showers his blessings on us daily. But, even though I know those things, it's still such a challenge for me to fully trust in Him and his plan for our lives day in and day out. I do trust Him, but my words and prayers show that I'm not laid back and cool with Him being the driver all the time. I want to know where we're going and He's not telling me! Obviously, there is a lot of room for learning and improvement in the trust department for me.

He has made it clear to us in no uncertain terms that this is where we belong for right now, and that Landon should indeed be pursuing his PhD. He has opened doors and flooded us with blessings beyond what we can imagine. From finding a great rental, to my being able to stay at home with Emerson [even if it does mean I have to babysit], to blessing Landon with an amazing Fellowship last year, and then again blessing him with another Fellowship today[!!]. God is working and blessing and showing us this is His will for us.

I know Landon is working so hard and it shows in his research, publications, and the Fellowships and awards he's received. I couldn't be more proud of him for following God's leading [even though it is difficult most days] and for all of the hard work he does each and every day. The Fellowship he got today is another great one that will speak volumes to future employers as it is a teaching Fellowship and his goal is to one day be a professor. What an honor it was [is] for him to be awarded this Fellowship! I'm so proud of him!

And yet . . . I still grumble and complain and question and dream about what is and what could be. About the 'situation' we're currently in. Which is a terrible trap to be in and is a horrible thing to do. There are questions and doubts I have about our life right now and about our future. Sometimes I question what God is doing and ask if He's sure He's right about this or that. I don't intend to let those thoughts creep in, but they do. They crowd my mind despite the fact that I know God is in control, that He has a plan, it's better than ours, and that He is providing.

Though I suppose that's why life is a journey and we are continually learning things, even if it is the same thing over and over. We are stubborn and forgetful. Thank goodness the Lord is full of grace and patience.


Jillian said...

hang in there! i know this season is tough, but it won't be a season you are in forever and the fruit that will come from it will definitely be worth the sacrifices. praying for you!

Alisha said...

I totally hear you friend. You guys will pull though this and will look back and be so happy God chose you to follow this path. I will continue to pray for you, friend.

Laura said...

Congrats to Landon! That is so exciting and certainly a testament of his efforts. I'm in a similar place right now, and it's hard. It's difficult when we can't see the big picture. So grateful the Lord never leaves us!

Amy said...

Hannah, you are not alone. I struggle with this daily myself. I find myself comparing what we don't have to what others do. And what a terrible trap to be in. I'm so blessed with what we do have, that I shouldn't care what others have. I know that God has us on this journey that he does for a reason. I may not know what that reason is, but I have to learn to trust in Him, that He knows what is best for my family. I mean, He did bring us this far, right? I'll be praying for you friend!

Congrats to Landon!

Jessica said...

Hannah, I meant to comment on this earlier this week when I first read it, but never got a chance. It really hit home for me. As you know, Bradley is a resident right now - yet another step on the road to "doctor hood". The pay is low and the hours are LONG, so I often find myself playing the comparison game as I watch friends buy houses, take amazing vacations, start retirement funds and more while we still live on a very tight budget with little wiggle room. Like you, I'm very proud of my husband's successes and thankful for the blessings we do have, but do get caught up in the "what if" game sometimes. You are not alone!

Congratulations to Landon! His hard work is paying off!