found here, original source unknown
Finding contentment and peace with where I am in life right now is not easy. Though, I'm not sure it's ever easy. Not that it should be easy I suppose; you learn and grow from the challenging places in life. Right now, we are in a place of transition, but that doesn't mean that our life has stopped or stayed the same. No, it just keeps going. As it should.
During this time of transition, I am constantly seeking God for peace and reassurance. I know that God provides and that He has a great and wonderful plan, so great we can't even imagine what it is. I know that He showers his blessings on us daily. But, even though I know those things, it's still such a challenge for me to fully trust in Him and his plan for our lives day in and day out. I do trust Him, but my words and prayers show that I'm not laid back and cool with Him being the driver all the time. I want to know where we're going and He's not telling me! Obviously, there is a lot of room for learning and improvement in the trust department for me.
He has made it clear to us in no uncertain terms that this is where we belong for right now, and that Landon should indeed be pursuing his PhD. He has opened doors and flooded us with blessings beyond what we can imagine. From finding a great rental, to my being able to stay at home with Emerson [even if it does mean I have to babysit], to blessing Landon with an amazing Fellowship last year, and then again blessing him with another Fellowship today[!!]. God is working and blessing and showing us this is His will for us.
I know Landon is working so hard and it shows in his research, publications, and the Fellowships and awards he's received. I couldn't be more proud of him for following God's leading [even though it is difficult most days] and for all of the hard work he does each and every day. The Fellowship he got today is another great one that will speak volumes to future employers as it is a teaching Fellowship and his goal is to one day be a professor. What an honor it was [is] for him to be awarded this Fellowship! I'm so proud of him!
And yet . . . I still grumble and complain and question and dream about what is and what could be. About the 'situation' we're currently in. Which is a terrible trap to be in and is a horrible thing to do. There are questions and doubts I have about our life right now and about our future. Sometimes I question what God is doing and ask if He's sure He's right about this or that. I don't intend to let those thoughts creep in, but they do. They crowd my mind despite the fact that I know God is in control, that He has a plan, it's better than ours, and that He is providing.
Though I suppose that's why life is a journey and we are continually learning things, even if it is the same thing over and over. We are stubborn and forgetful. Thank goodness the Lord is full of grace and patience.