Wednesday, June 10, 2015

saying good-bye to our normal

It is crazy to think that the time for this baby bean to come draws closer with every passing day. Like, it could be any time now. Crazy. Exciting. Scary. Wonderful.

I know that the day will soon come when baby decides to join us [or the doctor says it's time and brings baby into the world]. I have known this fact for a while now, for the last nine months really. I have known that our life would be turned around and what is our normal right now, will no longer be our normal. I have known that Emerson would soon not be our only baby, but he would be a big brother, one of two babies. I have known that we are going to have to divide our attention between two little people now, instead of just one.

But then today it hit me: we are having another baby. It's not some dream. It's not nine months of waiting and wondering what this little person will be like. It's, we're having another baby, soon. I won't just be Emerson's mama any more, I will be the mama to him and his brother. I will have two babies to look after.

My days spent playing in the quiet of the afternoons with just Emerson will disappear. My days spent chasing just Emerson around the park will disappear. My shopping trips with just Emerson will disappear. Reading, cuddling, tickling, playing... all of the things I do with Emerson, I won't be doing with just him any more.

And while there is a wonderful reason for the no longer being just him, I will miss it. I will miss my mornings laying on the floor next to him reading books. I will miss the afternoon "picnics" in the hallway with him. I will miss playing toss with him. I will miss the days of him and me. I love the little guy that he is and his sweet little personality.

Though, I know the days ahead are soon to be even better and more full than I could imagine, I can't help but feel a sense of loss on these quite days. I'm sure after baby is here I will look back at these thoughts and moments and think how much better they are with two little people to spend my days with. But right now, all I know is one little person, and it is a little bit scary to think of how I will adjust to two little ones.

Don't get me wrong, I am over the moon excited to be meeting this little jelly bean one day soon, we are so very thankful for the blessing of this baby and cannot wait to spend our days with him. But right now, it is a little sad knowing I'm going to have to say good-bye to our current normal. Because life is good. But because life is good, I know that life will get even better with two... And because God is good, I know that He will give me the strength and grace to be a mama to two little people.


Lexie Loo, Lily, Liam, and Dylan Too! said...

That feeling is completely normal! I remember it so well. I promise you, that feeling will go away immediately. Best of luck, mama!

Lauren said...

if I'm being completely honest, there are still a few times when I miss not being on a 3 hour schedule, or having a night out without worrying about when I can pump or nurse Nora. But then I look at her, and those feelings all go away. I'm actually at work right now and I miss her. Like heart-aching, miss her. And I miss her sister just as much. We're in our new normal, and I like it...but I also like that it won't be this way forever.